The Day I Died
by Kittyangel
Summary: ONESHOT. Based on a theory that is circulating the internet. Very dark. Please read the introduction before reading.
1. Chapter 1

Let me first begin by stating that I am a huge fan of My Neighbor Totoro. It was the very first movie that introduced me to the genius Hiyao Miyazaki.

So before you read my oneshot fan fiction please heed my warning. If you're a fan of the cuddly, cute, loving story of Totoro, and two little girls then DON'T READ THIS FANFICTION! I'll admit after I learned what I'm about to tell you the information did kind of warp my POV maybe a little bit. But since I'm already such a big fan I didn't let it change my view to much.

So… you have been warned.

There is a theory out in the internet universe that My Neighbor Totoro is loosely based on the murder of two sisters that happened in the village where Hiyao grew up. The youngest sister gets murdered, and the oldest sister deranged at seeing her younger sister dead goes crazy and kills herself. But not before mumbling nonsense of seeing a huge raccoon type monster.

The theory goes onto say that our friend Totoro is not all that cuddly that in fact he is a death god. Meaning that whomever sees Totoro is going to die soon. So that when Mei sees Totoro first we know she will die first, and then when Satsuki sees Totoro as well we know she will die second.

It is said that in the clip of the movie when we see the sandal found in the lake that Mei has in fact drowned. And so when Satsuki sees the sandal she goes crazy, and decides to seek out the death god (Totoro) herself in order for her to join her dead sister.

The Catbus is said to be the transporting vassal into the spirit realm. So when Satsuki willingly seeks out Totoro, and gets on the catbus she is in fact giving up her life in order to go into the spirit realm to be with her dead sister.

So when Satsuki finally finds Mei she finds her by these statues. These statues are in fact said to be gods that protect the souls of dead children (further proving the theory).

Also interestingly enough that from this point on in the movie the girls no longer have shadows.

But you say: "But the mom saw them in tree!"

Which yes is correct, but you must remember that the mother is on the brink of death herself. Which would explain why she would be able to see the girls, and also explain why the girls couldn't enter into the hospital themselves and just left the corn.

Now I'll admit there are a lot of holes in this theory. Like the fact we see Mei return with Satsuki and hug Nanny. Then there are the happy credits of the girls reuniting with their mother, and going onto live a happy life.

But I just couldn't help but to write this oneshot anyway. And tell it from the point of view of Satsuki.

So here it is: The Day I Died


	2. The Day I Died

The day I died started off like any other day.

It was hot so I dressed in one of my favorite dresses that mother picked out before she went to the hospital. Mei was irritable and cranky from the very beginning. Whining over every little thing, and crying at the drop of a hat. I knew I shouldn't be too harsh on her. She was only a little girl after all, but I couldn't help it. I was frustrated that it was hot too, and yes I was mad that father had to go to the university today .

I could tell he was a little flustered as well as he tried to console the crying Mei. His hair had got a lot more grey in it, and the lines around his eyes were becoming more prominent. He sighed and took off his glasses long enough to rub his eyes.

"Come now Mei stop your crying," I said crouching down next to her "We get to see Nanny today, and see her beautiful garden. Haven't you been saying how much you want to see her garden?"

This gets Mei to hiccup and quiet down. My father gives me a grateful smile before he picks up his briefcase and ushers us out of the house.

Nanny's house is a short walk from our own. Out of the corner of my eye I see that weird boy Kanta make a running dash as soon as we get close to the house. He confuses me so much. Boys I think giving a long sigh before bowing my respects to my elder.

Nanny's garden is every bit as wonderful as it's been described. All the vegetables make my mouth water especially my favorite the cucumber. Pretty soon we make lunch underneath a nice shaded tree.

Mei is in much better spirits by now, and happily informs Nanny and I that she plans to give the corn she picked herself to our mother.

I'm so excited we will get to have her home soon! I was never so scared when she got sent to the hospital. Even now the fear that she will die will creep upon me when I least suspect it. A breeze suddenly whips by making me shiver even though it's so hot outside. A breeze… I can't help but to think of our friend Totoro it's weird Mei hasn't mentioned him today.

Suddenly Kanta appears and the next chain of events become a blur. Him saying we got a telegram, rushing to his aunts house to make a phone call, yelling at Mei to stop following, and finally the dread that my suspicions were right and the phone call was the from the doctors office.

I'm so scared I can barely hang up the phone. Kanta looks like he wants to say something to me but stops short. With shaky legs I leave the house only to see Mei.

Sometimes I hate being the older sibling. I hate that I always have to look after her, and I hate that I always have to be the mature one in situations. But after the day I had I just can't help but to explode and yell at her.

I know I'm being mean, and I know I'm being very childish but I can't help it. I'm just so frustrated and scared.

We end up making our way back the house where Nanny continues to watch over us. Mei and I are still not speaking. I watch her go to her playroom and begin to play by herself. The last thing I see before sleep over comes me is Mei hugging the corn to her chest.

In my dream the weird catbus comes to me, and carries off my mother. I keep screaming for her to come back but the cat never returns.

I wake up even more exhausted then what I was before. I decide I should probably try and help with chores before father gets home.

Nanny and I have a conversation about my mom. I cry to her out of exhaustion, fear, and loneliness and say the one thought that has been plaguing me since we received the telegram.

"Wonder if she dies? What are we going to do then?" I burst into tears as she tries to console me but the tears just keep coming. Never ending. My fear is so real, and the dream so real that I can't stop.

She finally calms me down enough to lead me into the house where she offers to make us dinner. I am to go wash up and retrieve Mei.

When I go to get Mei I'm surprised to find the room empty. Her toys are still strewn about, and her drawings are left on the floor where she had them. I look down and see a picture of the catbus grinning at me. My stomach does a weird turn as I turn away from the picture.

"Where's Mei?" Nanny asks looking up from chopping vegetables.

"I thought she would be with you. She wasn't in the room…" I trail off confused.

We each look for her for what seems like forever. Fear slowly starts to overwhelm me again, and when I see the same look on Nanny's face I know I'm not alone.

I quickly dash back into the house as Nanny calls reinforcements. I look about the room that I last saw Mei in, and my suspicions are confirmed. Mei and ear of corn are both gone. That stupid brat is trying to get to mom at the hospital all by herself. At first I'm very angry at her, but the anger quickly turns to fear.

Only one thought consumes me… this is all my fault.

"If I hadn't yelled at her…" I say breathlessly to myself before I take off.

I search until I feel like my lungs will burst. My legs burn but I ignore them. My feet protest but I continue. I ask everyone I see if they've seen my sister. Suddenly I see Kanta approach, and hope rises through me.

"Kanta!" I scream breathlessly running up to him.

The little feeling of hope I had vanishes as soon as he says that a sandal was found in the lake. They want me to confirm whether or not it's hers. I barely hear him say that he will bike to the hospital before I take off.

I run as fast as my legs will carry me. In school I've always been one of the most fastest girls if not the fastest. I could always fly like the wind, and today is no exception. Finally I must stop because my feet are starting to burn. I look down at my feet only to see my feet swollen underneath my tight sandals. I yank them off in frustration and being to sprint once more. All the while I'm praying to whomever I think will listen. Please don't let it be hers. Please. Please.

Finally the lake comes into view, and I see everyone from our village helping with the search. What scares me the most is seeing the long sticks they are using to pry into the lake. I've seen those sticks before. In our last village a little boy accidentally drowned during a rainstorm. I know those sticks mean they are looking for a dead body. My heart races even more as I approach Nanny who is praying to an object clutched in her weathered hands.

She sees me approach, and tearfully holds out he small object. "Is it hers?" she asks in a weak voice.

My eyes register that she holding a small sandal. I immediately recognize it to be Meis. Just this morning I helped her put on her sandals before we headed to Nanny's. My mind goes into overdrive as my body shuts down. I sink to my knees as the realization hits me.

My sister is dead.

My sister drowned.

And it's all my fault.

No… No this can't be. It can't be. Totoro wouldn't allow this…. Totoro! Suddenly I snap back to reality. Everyone is staring at me waiting for my answer.

"I-It's not hers," I gulp out. I can hardly breathe my heart is racing so fast.

I hear them start to call of f the search, but I know what I must do. There is only thing that can help me now.

I take off back to our house much to the protest of Nanny. But my mind is set. I must find my sister. I must go to her!

I reach the maze of bushes that Mei once led me through. I stop to catch my breath and to pray to Totoro to please help me.

I run through the maze, and let the darkness overwhelm me. I feel a thousand eyes stare at me through the darkness. My body starts to feel very light almost as If I'm floating. Before I know it I'm landing on the soft, giant belly of Totoro.

He stares at me with a look that I don't recognize at first. I'm crying so hard I can hardly ask for his help. Soon his giant face turns into a smile as he takes ahold of me. It isn't until I'm facing the catbus and wondering if I should step on it that I figure out the look I didn't recognize was pity. Why did Totoro pity me?

I look at him once more, but his face frozen in a mask of that smile of his. The cat bus leers at me, and changes it's destination from graveyard to little sister.

At seeing little sister I know I must do whatever it takes to get to her. To tell her how sorry I am. As soon as my swollen feet hit the soft fur of the bus I suddenly feel much better. And as we shoot through the village unseen my tiredness begins to erase, my feet battered and bruise don't hurt anymore, and all the scraps and dirt I've collected searching for my sister vanish.

I feel so great I can't help but to smile joyfully as the wind whips through my hair.

I finally find Mei sitting alone by a cluster of statues. I call her name, and she shouts my name fearfully. I knew I was right to come to her. I could never let her be this afraid all by herself. We embrace as soon as I'm off the bus, and all our sorries are gushed. I squeeze her tight into my chest, and never want to let go.

Finally I pull away long enough to ask her "Were you taking the corn to mother?"

She nods tearfully. I put the pieces together in my mind almost as if I can somehow see it happening.

Mei has always loved fish and has been fascinated by water. I can see her in my minds eye running by the lake only to see a fish. In her childlike mind she only means to catch the fish to bring to mother as well. She leans over the lake trying to catch one before….

Suddenly I don't want to see it anymore.

More tears are rolling down her eyes, and all she can say is that she is sorry. Somehow I don't feel like she is talking about our fight anymore.

I now know that mother will never receive that ear of corn that Mei is clutching so tightly. Somehow the Catbus seems to read my mind, and its destination changes to the hospital. I'm so overjoyed at the thought of getting to see my mother once more, and that Mei will be able to give her present that I can't help to hug it.

I don't know why I was ever scared of the catbus. Riding with Mei to see mother I've never felt more free.

We sit comfortably in the tree and gaze down upon our parents. Father actually looks happy and relieved. I can't help but to feel guilty knowing that his happiness will not last long, and when I see our mother catch a glimpse of us I know that it won't be long for her as well.

However, I can't dwell on the sad feeling for too long because it's time to return on the catbus to what destination it will take us I do not know, but I know that I have my little sister with me and that's all that matters.

"Goodbye Father. Goodbye Mother…See you soon," I whisper setting down the ear of corn by the windowsill.

Authors Note: Well there you have it. I highly recommend reading all the articles about this theory on the internet. Studio Ghibli did make a public announcement that this theory is completely bogus. So I hope that makes you feel better. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Please review, flame, critique… I would love to hear your theories as well.


End file.
